My Body Hit a Limit

When your mind is ready but your body isn’t.

I tried something new yesterday.

A Reiki meditation, even though I don’t know much about Reiki.

I just needed something.

My body has been so on edge, and I’ve been hoping that something might help me feel grounded again.

The class was in one of my favorite wellness spots, so just entering the building has its own sense of calm.

But the class wasn’t what I expected.

The instructor never told us to lie down, so I stayed seated the whole time.

And apparently I was the only one who didn’t get the memo, because the other seven women somehow knew to stretch out on their mats and fully relax.

She started with a few hand gestures, then shifted into guided meditation.

Meanwhile, the women on both sides of me were snoring so loudly, jolting me out of whatever relaxation I was desperately trying to find.

I kept trying to focus, trying to make it work… but I couldn’t.

And afterward, I finally understood why:

My mind is ready to move forward.
My body is not there yet.

My whole system feels off, and even I don’t recognize the way I’m reacting.

It’s dysregulation, but living in it feels insane.

For months, I’ve been pushing through … being productive, doing the next thing, trying to stay steady. I didn’t realize how much of that was just my nervous system running on fumes.

Now everything hits me immediately.

A door shuts and I jump.
Someone else’s stress goes straight through my body.
Even normal noises feel too loud.
I have zero buffer.

After the class, Sienna and I went to get a manicure and a pedicure, and even in that normally relaxing setting, my body felt overstimulated.

By 4:00, I hit a wall.
Completely.
I couldn’t push anymore.
I had to take a nap.

I woke up wanting to try again.
I put on eyeliner, jeans, sweater, and my cozy jacket…just trying to feel like myself, the version of me who loves going out and saying yes.

I looked fine.
I looked like me.

And then around 7:30, it all unraveled.
We tried calling a few restaurants.
Every place was booked.
Everything felt rushed and last-minute.
And suddenly it was too much.

My momentum vanished.
My patience disappeared.
My body went straight into “I can’t.”

Not because I didn’t want to go.
Not because I wasn’t up for it emotionally.
But because my nervous system had nothing left.

And then came the sadness and the frustration … the “this fucking sucks” part.

Because it does.

It sucks to want to be yourself again and not be able to push through something so small.

It sucks to look fine but feel completely overwhelmed inside.

It sucks to hit a limit you didn’t see coming.

So Brad picked up sushi for us.
I stayed home.
I sat on the sofa with my heated neck wrap, the fireplace on, and by 10:30, I was completely done for the night.

My body hit its limit, and I had to stop.
I’m trying to give myself grace while everything recalibrates… even when it’s frustrating as hell.